I don't know where to start.

In writing the above title, I started something. I didn't have to write the sentence and place it as a title. I didn't have to do that, but I did. It is done. As far as I know, the last 46 seconds are all I know, so far. That is the point I don't know what I just did, and I could stop now. I demand that the publishers print twenty books that end precisely at this point.

________


Like 'The Book of the Book' by Idries Shah, the publishers shall include all the remaining 478 pages, empty. Think of it as a sequel to Shah's tome. You have bought a book that will be a lot less valuable for those who are reading these sentences. So, once more, I don't know where to start. Yet, you may argue, 'you have started.' I beg to differ. Repeating, 'I don't know where to start' is remaining in the same place, despite the addition of words. Well, I didn't quite do that, did I? Good Lord! Yes, I am continuing forward, so I will say once again, say, I don't know where to start?

You are experiencing the yammering intervening between my claim of not knowing where to start specific ideas. So, for those researchers fascinated by my ethos, I shall not deny you your pleasure. Research is so exciting! Yet, I don't want to divert for too long from the central statement, 'I don't know where to start.'


There are specific issues where I do know where to start. I do know where to start if I want to open the refrigerator door. I know how to go to bed. Click YouTube channels. Find a Bach partita. What I don't know is what is happening. So, actually, 'I don't know where to start' comes after 'I don't know what's happening.' Let me throw out a few questions I have. I have many questions, just no answers. One of my problems is, 'where do the questions come from?' Yet, more crucial, the more gut-level is the question that comes after the statement, 'I don't know where to start. [hold...think for a moment. Hi! What are you doing? I'm writing in my blog.] Well, actually, there are boundless possibilities of questions that might come after, 'I don't know where to start.' Mixed in with this plethora of questions are as many statements. I've followed down many of the paths that continue after, 'I don't know where to start.'

Seventy-three years of these adventures are nothing to sneeze at (My Grammarly doesn't like prepositions at the end of sentences, so I'm adding these). I don't know where or why that term flipped into my head. 'Nothing to sneeze at,' what is the origin of that? I could stop and Google this inquiry, but then I'd just be heading down responses, like in the head responses to making the statement, 'I don't know where to begin.' Like 'Groundhog Day,' I start afresh when I return from my life experiences to confront once more, 'I don't know where to start.' Or now, as we've learned writing the above, the original raw feeling so far is, 'I don't know what is happening.' Actually, before this statement, most likely, 'Something is happening' is the simplest verbal way of stating the very beginning of 'experience.'

'Something is happening' had to be quite a moment to experience' I mean the emotions involved in awareness appearing for the first time in me, an embryo, a zygote? No, thinking for a moment, maybe there were no emotions. No, I believe there had to be emotions. I don't think you can feel without feelings. Yet, perhaps, that first twitch of what would become awareness was like the zygote and would keep dividing upon itself over and over.


I am my piano. I am both the player and the listener.



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